Daughter.

For my 21st birthday last year I was given this fantastic ESV Study Bible. I really love it and all the resources it provides, one of them being a read-your-bible-in-a-year plan. When January 2010 came around I was going through a lot of transition and thought it would be a great idea to read through the bible again (I have done this one other time: Sept. 07-May 08 for Ingredients Dance Company ). It went really well for a while, I had recently been freed up from a few things, so I had lots of time on my hands and I actually read way ahead of schedule. As soon as summer got here though, I was already behind. This only got worse as time progressed, but I thought, "Why does it matter if I stay exactly on schedule? As long as I'm reading and being diligent to get in the Word, it's a win for me." 


All of that to say, about a week ago I was right up to Psalm 119 and I paused. I had all of these random preconceived notions about what the chapter was about. All I could think about was, "This is the longest chapter in the Bible... I'm sure it's great, but it's just so long." SERIOUSLY? What a ridiculous thought. Sure, it was long but that didn't mean that I had to read it all in one sitting. I was slightly disgusted at myself for such thoughts but i didn't actually sit down and read it for quite a few days. This probably had a lot to do with my weird mood I've been in and not so much the Psalm. 


As I've mentioned, I'm reading Celebration of Discipline and because Abigail and I haven't officially "met" to talk about the book yet, I re-read the chapter on meditation. I'm sure this was and is from the Lord. As I sat down and read through Psalm 119 the Lord blew me up with all that He put in it. 8 Verses talk about meditation, 8 verses talk about the law of the Lord being our delight, 7 verses talk about how the psalmist would long or yearn for the Lord and His law, 6 verses talk about loving the Lord with your whole heart, and 5 verses talk about this idea of eating the Word or having it on your lips. These things that I'm learning about were right there, starring at me. They deepen me and thicken me. Praise the Lord.

On a different note, I slept in this morning and skipped my Dance Pedagogy class. It's fall break! No one was there anyway. I didn't even set an alarm, but by the grace of God I woke up around 8:15 and got to spend a lot of time being quiet. In the book, Foster says that there really isn't a "right" or "wrong" way to meditate on the Lord (within boundaries), but he gives examples and suggestions to help. One is called, palms up palms down. Basically you begin by physically opening your hands palms facing downwards and release things to the Lord. This is a time of surrender. After this you turn your palms up and speak the opposite of your releasing asking to receive from the Lord. 

A few things that were on my heart: releasing my plans for my life, my need to control things, my lack of trust that He is good, my pride, and my desire for a husband (to name a few...). 

Then I turned my palms up and asked to receive the Lord's plan for my life, the Lord's providence in my life, the knowledge that He is good and does good, a humble heart that just wants to be more like Christ, and a peace about my future man, if he exists. 

Then Foster says to just be silent. Be silent and listen. So I did. I didn't hear anything for a while and then a word kept coming to my mind. At first I tried to not think about it because I wasn't sure if it was from me or from the Lord. After a while I decided either way, the Lord was using it. The word was simply "daughter." 

The Lord, the King, the Creator of heaven and earth, the Sustainer of all things calls me daughter! How beautiful and intimate. So often I think I try and earn His affection even though I would never admit that that is what I'm doing. In the back of my mind I think that He is going to love me more or see me differently if I do the right thing all the time. This is a lie. He loved me before I ever even knew Him. He loved me and died for me before I even existed. While I mocked Him and belittled Him, He said, Daughter - you're Mine. 

This brings to mind a song by Donna Stuart, Abba Father. Go buy it. 

"Abba Father,

we're Your daughters

predestined

adopted

justified

and adored.

No one and nothing

can ever separate us

from Your love!

Your embrace!

Your kingdom come.

There is therefore no condemnation

for those in Christ."

How good is our Lord? I'm humbled by His love. 

-Rah